This week in class we talked about sexual intimacy in marriage and after starting a family. To some, this topic can seem weird and something that should be kept private, but I think at our age we are able to have a mature conversation about it and learn about those boundaries in marriage. After all, if we are preparing to get married, then we should be able to have a conversation like this. I particularly enjoyed class this week because we were able to have open and honest conversation that was straight to the point without dancing around any words or ideas. Here's what I learned:
Many couples experience different phases in life and in their marriage. It starts with before the marriage and the excitement/anticipation to be intimate on your wedding night. Then comes the "honeymoon phase" where you and your spouse can't get enough of each other, you're able to have sex for the first time and grow closer to one another, and have fun. Then, comes planning for a family. Sexual activity increases as you two try to conceive a baby, and then comes the excitement and joy of bringing a baby into this world that is half of you and half of your spouse. At this point, your intimacy is at an all time high and can only increase. But then comes a baby... you two are navigating this thing called parenthood. You grow more tired, are spending all your energy and time on the baby and it can pull you apart from one another, especially in your sexual activity as the new mom is recovering and taking on this new role of motherhood.
Things to remember:
- Allow the new mom time to heal physically and mentally (she is learning her role as a mother and finding herself independent of the baby)
- Keep an honest and open communication with other, not only to remain close emotionally but also physically
- To the husband: be there for her in ways that aren't motivated by intimacy
Regarding fidelity and remaining faithful to your spouse, we know it is wrong. Both personally and and as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we know it violates ethics and the laws of God. The Family: A Proclamation to the World reiterates the importance and belief in marriage between man and a woman and remaining faithful to one another. I'm not going to give you advice how now not to cheat, because that shouldn't be an issue in your relationship and marriage.
Regarding teaching your children about sexual intimacy, remember to keep an open and honest conversation. Be honest with them, but also don't go into too much unnecessary detail. Let them ask questions and give them honest answers that cover those nerve wracking topics. Blunt conversations can be the most beneficial and the most satisfying in regarding of learning and receiving information. Like I said above, our conversations in class were the best because we all were open, mature, and didn't dance around any topics out of fear of making anything awkward. However, keep the conversation age appropriate and let the conversation go in the direction your child takes it.
Sexual intimacy can be a "taboo" topic but it doesn't need to be, and it really shouldn't be. Your sex lives should remain between you, your spouse, and God, however marriage isn't all about sexual intimacy. Remain faithful (physically and emotionally) and rely on one another through the bad times. This brings you closer. As you have your family and as they grow up, have conversations about this topic as they come and keep them appropriate to their age, knowledge and understanding. Navigating this through family life can be overwhelming, but relying on gospel teachings and praying for guidance through the Spirit from Heavenly Father will be what get you through this.
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