Married, a Home, and a Baby... Now what?

Picture this scenario: you and your husband have been married for almost a year and you're coming up on your 1 year anniversary. You are still experiencing that honeymoon phase and you just can't get enough of each other. You two are attached at the hip, love spending time together, and have enjoyed this new journey of married life. A recent topic of discussion between you two is about when you guys would like to start your family and have children. It makes you a little worried, however, because you've heard people talk about how once you have a baby your marriage with your spouse goes down hill. You want to start having children, you really do, but you don't want to lose this closeness and bond with your spouse. 

While it is typical for husband and wives to experience a decline in their relationship, every couple has the power to let a pregnancy and baby make or break their marriage. Instead of letting the hormones and pressures of having a baby affect your marriage strive to involve the other as much as possible, rely on one another for emotional/mental struggles, and come together and create a new dynamic with a baby. Here are some tips to help with that:

• Involve the father a lot in the pregnancy (encourage him to come to doctor's appointments, continue to spend quality time together as husband and wife, have open and honest communication, etc.)
• Encourage date nights and time away together, just the two of you
• Be excited about the baby together, work together to prepare for the new baby (ie. when decorating the nursery, buying supplies, etc.)
• Ask others for help. Don't carry the stress and pressure of a new baby alone, ask for help from friends, family, etc. 
• Be emotionally available to one another, don't be closed off from each other. This can lead to resentment and looking elsewhere for emotional support

I hope that a new baby can bring you and your spouse together rather than pull you two apart. Having a baby is stressful, and is hard, but shouldn't put this huge strain on your relationship. While your new baby may be the most important thing at the moment, allow your marriage to remain number one. That may seem odd to put your marriage before a brand new baby, but a strong and unified marriage is what is going to support that baby the best and build a solid foundation that will allow you two to continue to grow for future babies. 

As a couple, you guys can still do all the things you did as a newly married couple. A new baby shouldn't hold you back, rather you should have the mindset of being excited to bring your baby along to new activities and experience those firsts together as a new family. When needed, ask your family for help, look for a sitter, and take breaks. This can all help avoid stress and resentment and allow you and your spouse to be your own person and continue to have your own self identity. 

All in all, having a baby and starting your family is one of the best times in your life. Allow you and your spouse to bond and grow together, rather than let it tear you two apart. A healthy and strong marriage is the foundation needed for your first baby, and future ones too. Remember to have open communication and be vulnerable with each other. Lean on each other for emotional support rather than looking outside your marriage. Ask for help and don't feel bad for doing so.