What do you think of when you hear the word theory? To me, the word theory reminds me of something scientific and researched. By definition, a theory is "a system of ideas intended to explain something." For example, Darwin's theory of evolution is a set of ideas that explain where animals, and even humans, have come from and how they have evolved over time. So how does science and theory apply and relate to families then?
Although all families are very different and work in various ways, there are theories out there that explain the different dynamics that are common among most families. These can help explain how families work and the different systems and subsystems in a family. A "system" in a family is "where each member plays a specific role and must follow certain rules." So, a system can be a parent and child relationship as there are different roles and rules each follow between one another to make the whole family strengthened and work better.
The four theories we discussed in class this week include systems theory, exchange theory, symbolic interaction theory, and conflict theory. Looking at each of these theories can help explain different aspects, conflict, interactions, and systems in a family and help an individual come to a conclusion about how to move forward from any issues. Our teacher, a marriage and family therapist, talked about the different ways he has used these theories to help a couple better understand and work towards solving their relationship problems, as well as how we can look at these to help understand our spouses and children better to avoid potential misunderstandings and fights.
Systems Theory: I touched on this briefly above, but systems theory analyzes a group as a whole that has boundaries that keeps them distinct from other groups.
Exchange Theory: Keeping our “costs” lower than our rewards in our relationships.
Symbolic Interaction Theory: We are shaped by our interactions and our experiences with those interactions. It is all in how the situation is defined.
Conflict Theory: This theory is characterized by inequality, conflict and change. Typically social class and gender are huge factors in conflict theory.
Whenever there is conflict in a marriage relationship or a family relationship, look inside and analyze the interactions. See if you can find instances where applying one of these theories may help. Below is an example of a husband and wife that have a conflict and how exchange theory helped them understand why there were issues and how to solve it.
Have you ever wanted to give up on a friendship or a relationship because you felt that you were putting more effort into it than the other person was? This happens a lot and can be a big downfall for many relationships, romantic or not. For example, a husband and wife have been married for several years now. They have a few young children and have struggled to make quality time for one another. The husband tries to do small things for his wife that can make her day easier, like make her breakfast, have the kids ready to go to school, send her quick texts throughout the day that let her know he has been thinking about her, etc. and he is feeling like these actions are going unnoticed and unappreciated by his wife. He feels as though he is putting more effort into strengthening their relationship than she is, which inevitably starts a fight and results in a defensive wife and an unresolved conflict.
Exchange theory is great when practiced correctly. When both parties are putting in equal effort and focus on the other more than themselves, both people are being fulfilled. If your husband helps you out with something to make your morning go more smoothly, then you can reciprocate that and do something that will help his evening go better after a long day of work. It does not have to be very extreme or large acts of service, but rather the small acts because those usually go a lot farther.
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