The Family Under Stress

This week's discussions in class were on the family, different stressors, and how to overcome them. I was able to learn a lot this week and think about my own family and the way we have overcome different things thrown at us. Not to throw myself a pity party, but my family and I have been through a lot. We are definitely not the most traditional or ordinary family, and have overcome many obstacles together. In ways it has brought us closer and in others it has pulled us farther apart from one another. So for this blog post, I'm gonna make it personal and walk through my own family and our experiences. 

As defined on the ever so fabulous internet, a stressor is "something that causes a state of strain or tension." These could be arguments, events, etc. Some examples of family stressors are:

• Financial burdens
• Death of a family member
• Divorce/separation
• Major injury or illness
• Moving

These are just a few of the several examples that can cause strain on a family. In my personal experience, we have experienced every single one of these listed above as an immediate family. For as long as I can remember, we have struggled financially. My parents had to take turns buying groceries or paying the house bills each month, putting us even more behind. It was a special occasion to get anything new, especially around the school year. My parents also fought a lot and went through a lot of separations. They were on the brink of divorce and that was really hard to watch as their children. We moved houses so often because of these separations and never really settled anywhere for long. Then, my mom got sick. And while this brought her and my dad closer, it caused some stress on us children. My dad had to work extra and so us kids picked up the slack around the house in ways like grocery shopping, extra cleanings, taking care of my mom and each other, etc. We had to grow up quicker than all of our friends and we matured much earlier than our peers. And then finally, my mom eventually passed away after a long battle with several health issues. Her death has ultimately been able to bring us closer as a family, especially among me and my dad. We never had a close bond growing up because he was always in and out of the house. 

Now this is a lot of personal, vulnerable information. But I'm sharing this with whoever is reading so you can understand what I've been through and how I've come out of it the person I am today. People who have endured hard things in their lives like I have typically turn to things that can bring them quick satisfaction and that takes away the pain, even if it's just for a few minutes. Things like drugs, alcohol, pornography/sex, etc. allow the person some relief, but it never addresses the real issue or gives them proper relief. Because I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I do not partake in any of those activities. But because I am a member of this church, I have the gospel to fall back on. Principles like faith, the plan of salvation and temple work bring me peace and can help me through hard times, and they did growing up. And they still do now. When I am struggling or experiencing a hard time, I turn to Heavenly Father and I pray and let everything out. I put my trust in Him and His plan and hope He can provide what I need, whether that is blessings, comfort, or a solution.

Other ways to cope that don't stem primarily from my religion include: 

• Journaling 
• Therapy 
• Strengthening relationships with friends and family (if you have the means to do so)
• Spend some time alone (but not too much)
• Go outside and connect with nature
• Create a routine for yourself that you can stick to and find accomplishment in 

Throughout your life, you will experience hard things. It's inevitable because that's life. Life isn't always fair and can throw different circumstances your way. We don't choose our trials. But we can choose how we react to them, how we cope with them, and how we grow from them. I could have been so angry with God and left His church, turned to bad habits like drugs or drinking, and separated myself from my family and friends. But instead I used healthy coping mechanisms that have helped me become more mature, handle my emotions better, and be prepared for what life might throw at me in the future.